I come from adventurous watery spirits

Who traveled far and wide

Hopping island to island

Across ocean waters salty

Hawk eyes on sea legs

Joyous laughter navigating

No destination in mind—

I come from the Pacific rushing Ilog River

Cradled by sugar cane stalks bound by mountain wild boars

Nestled against supertyphoons deflecting Japanese bayonets

I come from my mother’s waters.

I come from a fervent old town San Juan River

Pinaglabanan church waters bloodied bolos chasing

American guns Spanish armors down the steep hill galloping

I come from my father’s river.

I come from fertile bounty

That feed the body

Feed the soul of the tribe

Enough

Not an ounce more

Not an ounce less.

I come from two rivers

Still flowing from a sturdy iron heart

Across ocean waters salty

Along breezy island edges

Floating

Held up

Held firm

Hawk eyes on sea legs.

When the noise grates, I reach for the
Word, in beauty and love
That in this heart survives,
Recoiled
Under the weight of the other
Word, in darkness and vitriol
That will not lift—

Alone I feel with my play,
Campaign of good will
Sliding
Against a multi-piercing prism
Of best intentions
To protect and uphold
Etc etc etc

The word destroys
The word creates
I choose
To err

On the scarcer and scarcer side of brightness
Kindness
In the rhetoric
In the deed
That touches

People’s hands and hearts
Flesh and blood
Shaped not in nostalgia
Map grids
Theories
Empty noise—

But to ache,
Breathe
A path into beauty—
For whom does the word fight?
For the spouter or the receptor?

Sliding back

Into an old self

During moments

Of aloneness



Thoughts, unresolved

Take over

Every second

I am not engaged

Thoroughly

Everyday conversation

Laundry

The train ride

NBA playoffs

The job

Takes effort

To redirect

Focus

On the tangible world

Grabbing whatever

Freedom

In every moment

To play

To indulge

In feelings

Unexpressed

Visions

That keep coming, now

Words that need to flow

Real life has become a distraction

Art has taken center stage



This morning

Sunrise creates

A picture show

Through my living room glass

Framed

Glimmering shades of Caravaggio green

Grey shadows and light

Cast upon brown floor tiles

Around my feet

Life begins

With such color and texture

I breathe in the warmth

How can the heart not gladden



Gladys on the iPhone

Turns on

My womanly voice

Kicking in

From the gut

Travels to the mind

Memories take over



An ache

A smile

An idea

Expands

Soars

Words float

Upward

From within

I scramble

To capture

Arrange

Rearrange

Discard

A live

Dynamic

Puzzle



Until it does justice

Until it means what I want it to mean

Until it feels right

Until it is true



The light
 I absorb

From without

Mirrors

Reflects

This art

I create

From within

Which I try

To release

When the sun comes up

Every single day

it must be
that I wear
this body
as a badge
of honor
my medals
on full display
accumulated
during many
many years
of service
but alas

i ache
can’t run
can barely walk
short of breath
can’t sleep
my pulse
racing
my chest
pounding
nerves
throbbing
up and down
the liver
shouts
the gallbladder
excised
the bladder
artificially
slung, naturally
bears down
on a cervix
ovaries
long cut out

such has been the
bleeding
screaming
history
of this
queenly body
bursting through
empire blouses
stretch pants
orthotic shoes
this plus size

smile
hiding
not the sugary
surplus
metabolic
belly
but the
iron
long beaten
heart

time
to tuck away
these medals
slowly
patiently
endearingly

unearth
what’s truly
me
inside