I have not felt as deeply loved by any other man the way I felt loved by you—
Stepping out of ordinary lives, For a few perfect hours We basked along a Malibu beach
On a beautiful February day And I seized it What I could fit in my hand
With all my heart This colorful Pacific rock that now sits on my city window sill.

Today
It struck me As I looked up To the early evening sky My mind catching That imaginary plane above Stamford station’s blares Disappearing into the clouds Over San Juan—Looming, Is another birthday Emerging are my Future plans When a few months ago There were none Exit the biggest city Fast-moving material pursuits My home of 40 years Towards the beachfront, mango trees, a fishing boat

But what of the future, Near Or far If life as I know it Could end With the snap of a finger Just like that Much like our life, together Abruptly snuffed In 1972 Now up in the air Your far-away voice penetrating Teasingly Lovingly Deeply Your endearing words Opening up The real me Liking who I am Who I could aspire to be When I’m hearing you Your Long-distance I love you’s In posted letters now lost ee cummings in playful spiral scribbles Sweetly hand-delivered Innocence ‘I kinda dig you’ Your Song Still lyrically tender— loving glimpses that inspired For it is quite plain to me It is for you that I write each day—

Our magical Malibu interlude Orchestrated gifted by the gods My inner self Given full voice With you For you Otherwise denied The rushing ocean waves Drowning out decades of reality A bright February day Rekindling What had been lost Inside Both of us Inside My soul

As though I have forgotten What it was like To be That closed self You discovered Gazing out the window one May Withdrawn Confined Ashamed Afraid To venture out To share—I want to tell you —How lucky I felt So special When you appeared So interested To reach me The lengths to which You patiently Waited Listened Restrained Showered me With affection Climbed towards me Behind my bars Past Dad’s hurtful screams Even while your own life Unraveled Painfully Our future together Uncertain Knowing I had to depart On that plane—Leaving you behind Leaving us behind Our time spent together So short When love had just arrived To save me Kiss me

Our brief February walk—Long foretold By our Quezon sentiments Sand-sketched—Coaxed me out Of my shell again My emotions flowing My mind undeterred Reliving newfound love Back when You drew me out Your love persistent Consistent During visits to the dorm swing Cheering from the bench, On my fast breaks You made me feel safe Cherished Hands clasped at the New Frontier You were Sunshine A life source Of lovely surprises Guitar strumming on my house steps Serendipitous encounters Along Blumentritt, Poetry after poetry Conveying your love—

You touched me And I responded My insecurities Cast aside Slowly…You embraced me Closely Closer Until this heart Beat as one with yours Our lips locked Atop those dark wooden steps Each night My desire awakened Undressed Our longing sighs Heightened Hushed Forced we were to escape As far away as the Buses and trains would run Your arms around me On the dewy Luneta grass Our eyes, flesh intertwined On a wooden Quezon bed Cuddled, caressing On the cold, hard church floor Craving, touching In the quiet darkness of midnight Our mutual desire Unabated Perpetually growing This body remembers yours all too well Permanently Absorbed In my living cells

Physically at a distance We may remain But we can hold on To the truth that Our love Transcends Space Time Human frailties Capricious gods Our spirits side by side Let’s fill the space Between us Real and remembered Where our great love story Was conceived On that long-ago birthday When I returned home From your arms This mind This body This self Transformed Forever.